Sorry But, I really DO Understand

I am suddenly hit with a big realization today.

You may not really know a person you think you really know.

Yes, I know people are allowed to have their own secrets. And they are not too proud of it/ don't want to disappoint you/ just don't want you to know. I would like to believe they are things that I don't want people to know too.

I don't know when it started that I aim to live my life like an open secret. I made it a habit to tell only the truth, and be as honest as I can. I had a 'if I can't be honest, then I won't say anything' policy. It made me realize that I don't have to hide my desires from people, and people can like it or dislike it - it's their choice, not mine - , and ultimately once I said it aloud, I also made sure that I wasn't doing stupid that I'll regret. Life is too short to live with regret.

But I suppose people have desires...that they think are not so...accepted.

It hurts to think that maybe it's not really them, but you, who have cut off that part of your communication with them. It's not blind-siding. It's simply...never came up.

But I can't help it if I'm too boring/traditional/conservative/not daring enough/risk-taking/ not open-minded/ othersocialcrappeoplethinkiscool. I just believed that I have chosen to live by these values, this lifestyle and all that comes with it, as long as I still believe in it and it is good to me and doesn't harm other people. This. Is. Me. Therefore, I am.

I took a stand, and I'm standing by it.

I know not everyone can live like this, to believe in something so religiously that it's suffocating. It's not. I don't believe in wasting your youth on something that 'other youths were doing' like smoking, taking drugs, having sex with strangers, just because you can get away with it when you're young. I believe there are other things worth doing while you are young and beautiful and healthy.

Submitting to the 'norm' like that...and surrendering your own identity. No, it's not called being what you always wanted to be. It is giving up control. Nothing more, nothing less. Call it whatever the crap you want. I've lost respect for you.

Ta'ra.

p/s the person I am implying did not do anything as extreme as I mentioned above. But she might as well, bcause I've lost my respect for her for the time being.