Little Big Happy Family

I found this little group finally formalizing at work. Well, good for them. I have always noticed them slowly getting closer and it's great that they found their comrades. In a place like that, you need that support group.

While I think it's a good idea, I personally am not comfortable in such a big group. I like my own small pockets of group with just one or two close friends. I had it before. But all these people have left. And even the current people are either leaving or I barely meet due to my short working week. And that group speaks Western Malay and I know what people think when I speak it, which is why I speak English, and I know what they think of that too. So how is it my fault if I'm not comfortable fitting in where I am never going to be comfortable anyway?

I sometimes don't know what is it with me but I can't seem to get along with nice people. The people in that group are all nice people. So nice they wouldn't say a bad word against someone until they are sure that person deserves it. Nice people are nice, and that's...it. I'm sure they bitch about things amongst themselves but at the same time makes excuses for that person's behavior. I suppose that's how we differ. After I decided that a person's core is bad, I don't make excuses for their behaviors. I simply accept it as it is. And I bitch about it openly, so people know where I stand. If people ask my opinion about said person I don't say "maybe...", I say "yes. She is like that. No other reason than that's how she is." I don't make excuses for other people's behaviors. They are adults. They should know how to behave themselves. Unless that person is a nice person whom I like then I will defend them. Within reason. Most of the time I left it to people to judge for themselves. I gave them my honest 2 cents, and let them evaluate themselves. They are freaking adults. They can think for themselves.

After all, as adults we should accept the fact that some personalities just won't match, and that while we can work together well, not everyone can get along all the time. Which is also why I am so loathed by the 'everyone's friend' personality. Here's a recent example:

EF= Everyone's friend, J Girl= a colleague who is also an ex student of my current language school so between me and EF, I am closer to J Girl.

EF: Oh, I'm so blur today.
J Girl: Oh, really?
Me: *passes by to go punch in*
EF: Hey Farah.
Me: Hey
EF: Where are you going? *grabs my hand*
Me: I need to go punch in.
EF: What? Hey didn't you say you wanted to get married?
Me: What!? I never said anything like that. I need to go - *I pulled my hand away so she grabbed my sleeve that bitch!*
EF: Didn't you say you wanted to get married? Come on! *continues pulling my sleeve*
Me: *not looking at her, yanked my hand away and strode away* No! Go away!

I was livid. And she was one year older than me. Not only is she obsessed with the idea of getting married, (I can't blame her since her fiance passed away late last year) but she HAD to say UHAW is not a bad person! Seriously, I can't say enough how obsessed she is with getting married. Each time I bump into her outside during working hours (on the way to the surau, the toilet, lunch, locker room) she would always mention it in one way or another (hey do you wanna get married? I wanna get married! Help me find someone to marry! bla bla bla). But I never held it against her. Because she was a nice person. Annoying, but still a nice person.

Pulling my shirt, seriously? How old are you? Although I was annoyed beyond remorse she acted like nothing wrong, so I played along (and that's what nice people do, right) at lunch while she was flirting with a colleague one year younger (codenamed Black Hole (BH))whom she had expressed no interest in at least TWO times, made me feel like a third wheel. And I hate, hate, HATE being made into a third wheel. I was asked how did I know she was flirting. Well it was obvious. They were both eating. Actually, only he was really eating. SHE kept her eyes on him at all times. Yes, while she was looking at him, I was looking at her. Her eyes were almost unblinking, and she was commenting at every little thing he did and said. EVERY LITTLE THING! If I was him I would have been annoyed already.

I mentioned it later once three had become four. And she went all...

EF: What? Did I look like I was flirting?
Me: Yes. You totally were.
EF to BH: Do you think I was fliritng?
BH: Huh? Flirting? who?
Me: Well, of course, you being a guy wouldn't notice that.
BH: Notice what?
Me: Exactly.

Sighs. She asked me about it later about why I thought she was flirting. I only told her what I saw. Or at least what I thought I saw but to me that was what it looked like: she was flirting with him plain and simple. It may be true, it may not, she may deny it, she may agree to it; it's up to her. To me it was that. And I was just stating my honest observation.

Yes I know, I am not a nice person. Yes I do admit to being mean, but I'll be meaner if I wasn't honest and put up with annoying people. Which is probably why I do not get along with 'nice' people. Or are they? I seriously do not know how other people define niceness. Although I will still label people as nice or not nice or bitch, and my definition may be askewed, but so far it has worked well for me because it has been useful in helping me adjust accordingly to them.

Aloofness is a virtue.

Little Big Happy Family indeed.

Ta'ra!