Suddenly A Friend?

Making friends to me is a conscious decision. Rare do I find myself being friends with people I don't consciously make friends with. If a new person enter my direct environment; i.e. my circle of friends where I am forced to be introduced, I decide almost instantly if I want to be friends with this person or not. If I am intrested, I will act accordingly; pull out the nice and friendly card. If I decide then that this interest me only a little, but I can't yet decide whether I want to be friends, I let them develop first. If I decide that I have zero interest in that person then I won't even pretend to try to be friends. In this situation you'll find me not making any effort to be friendly or even downright ignoring that person. I'll be nice, of course. Because if everything else doesn't work out, then you shall at least be remembered as someone who was 'not bad' or neutral.

Of course, I do acknowledge that I may be wrong about a person. That's why when I am not certain I give the person space, because some people take a long time to get used to new people and new environments. The least you could do is be nice. Being nice is easy. To be friendly is an effort for me. A relationship is an investment, after all, and I only spend my friendly resources on good investments. I don't want to be friendly immediately to new bloods because after getting to know them more you might don't like them, but it's too late to back out now without looking like a villain seeing as how attached the person has become to you.

When making friends I found it important to give the other person lots of space. I consciously decide to make friends with this person, so I will respond positively towards any actions that enhances our relationship; movie outings, eating lunch together, etc. But it's also important to me that the other person consciously chooses to be friends with me. If they are only with me as a second choice or because they have no choice or it was forced upon them, then I shall go back and gauge my interest level. If my interest level is high enough at the start, and remained high even now, I will make that effort. Like I said, once I decide to make a connection with someone, I go all out. Yes, I literally woo people to be my friend. Like all relationships, friendships can not work out and break up, or simply withers. But if all else fails and my efforts have all been met with a brick wall, I give up and pursue other things. I often walk away knowing I tried and it didn't work out. No harm done. Move on to the next.

Now the funny part begins. The moment I give up, walk away and cease all attention, the other party starts reacting! After turning me down and ignoring me when I was wooing them, the moment I turn the other way they grabbed my shoulder and urged me to turn back. I'm not an idiot for not recognizing such behavior. I know very well. Because I used to do the same thing. So I naturally, recognize this as a good thing, and took advantage of the situation. It was their fault for making me look like a fool first.

Suddenly I find myself at an advantageous position and was smothered with attention. My investments had paid off. Now, I didn't set out to be in this kind of friendship with those people I 'pursue'. It just confirmed my belief: people like to be given attention to, to be treated like they are special, to be appreciated for who they are, and to act all cool and aloof about it, even though inside they are swelling with pride. It's just how people are. They don't have to tell you. You just have to know.

But I also hate to be a trophy friend. I found it appaling when people I haven't talked to in years are suddenly name-dropping my name to get themselves favors or to present themselves in a better light when associated with me. Rest assured that these are not people I chose to be friends with. I have another term for them; classmates, people I know.

So. Suddenly a friend? To me that's a hard thing to come by.

Ta'ra.