My Goals

Watashiwa san: The metallic cupcake base is silver.

I've talked it over with my dad about my plans after getting my degree and of course of my endless dilemmas. My dad, being a guy, was quick to offer advice, which I didn't quite appreciate, and only made me go "why are men so predictable??". So I stressed to him about why I'm in this dilemma; I am lacking a precise goal.

Ever since high school, my life has always been about pursuing goals.

When I was in form 3, I obsessed over which stream to follow for form 4 because I wanted to maximize my chances of going into my intended course in university. My initial choice was accounting because that was the only non-science course we had, and I knew enough at that point that I didn't want to do any science-related things for uni. But I settled for Science IT because it was the easiest, and the abundance free time during the IT classes gave me a lot of time to reflect upon my future a bit more. It turned out to be the right choice for more than just the subject matter. Looking back it was as if everything was fated. It was scary to think how much I resisted it during my early form 4 months, and in the end...well, just goes to show, you can plan and struggle and fight tooth and nail for all you're worth, but nothing can stand in the way of the grand plan set in front of you by the Almighty.

At the end of form 4 I had a clear vision of my future. Yes, at the time when people were trying not to worry about SPM the next year, I was already making plans for after my degree is done! I get A LOT of crap for this. People think I was just tyring to escape reality (SPM) trying to over look the horrors (that was SPM) and onto the illusion of greener postures. ALL my teachers thought this way when I told them of my future plans. AAALLL of them. Except for the school principal, funnily enough. Maybe because she was a realist and knows my family background well. Still. She doesn't teach my classes.

Only my very closest of friends could understand, which was the only consolation I had. I must have baffled a lot of people because of my new mentality and if the teachers couldn't comprehend, what can you say about students, right? But I didn't blame them. I couldn't blame them. I knew from the start this kind of ideal will meet a lot of oppositions, and I quite welcome it.

What I was actually doing at that time, wasn't overlooking SPM or underestimating its importance. Far from it. I was just strategizing on how to use SPM to further solidy my paths to my goals. Unlike other people who studies everything and pray for the best, I was choosing my next destination right after SPM and see what their requirements were, and study accordingly. It would be insane for me to get 14 straight As, since the minimum requirement for a Foundation in Business in Swinburne was 5 credits including modern maths and English, and a pass in BM to get your high school certificate.

Which means, subjects I hate like Add maths, physics, chemistry, and Arabic can go to the dump for all I care and I'm off to tertiary education well above the minimum rate (since I got 5As)! See? graduating high school is easy if you play your cards well.

I chose Swinburne for a variety of reasons, but I did not plan to stay for degree. No, for that I was planning to take Business Management at a university in KL. I didn't just want a degree, I wanted experience living as a student. I specifically worked hard at Swinburne to qualify myself a half scholarship at my current university college. Which I got, and promptly moved into a hostel for a year, and the rest here, in our vacation home in BB.

So far, so good.

But then I didn't get to graduate according to plan. But no matter, because my next goal was to be realized; part-timing at Kinokuniya. I thought I would be graduated by then, but I havent, and that's fine, because I wanted to see if I would like working here full-time while I get familiarize as a part-timer.

Turned out I don't want to. I'll continue working part-time here until I graduate and decide on a full-time position somewhere. My dilemma was to come right after.

I underestimated how much I would learn from this part-time position. Firstly, I learn that I hate working for big companies. And secondly, I learn that I cannot live like the urban commuters in KL. And thirdly, I'm nowhere near to having my own nest, thus a bed.

After achieving all those goals succesively, I am left at a fork in the road. Realizing that my next decision is going to stay with me a for a long time until I get my business together, I knew that this was to be my most important decision to make yet. So after much fussing and panicking over, I decided that I need to make straight my priorities. Of which I have several:

My own bed, my own nest, my own business, a full-time work that I enjoy that I can work only 4 days a week, more time to do my business, and at the same time gives me steady income for pocket money and to pay my loan and also, to either achieve all this and stay in KL or settle back home. I reviewed several options. The first option can be done in either KL or Kuching. A full-time work (5 days a week) means I won't have enough time and energy left to do my business and hobbies as I want, but I will be earning enough for my nest, my bed, pocket money and loan. But I realized that's just living like a robot. I can't be happy no matter how much I earn if I can't endulge in my hobbies and build my business. That's the whole point of going back home because my earning potential is less than in KL. I'll be 24 then and I'm not getting any younger. My LIFE has just begun and I won't spend it earning like a robot!!

A second option (which I must admit I was partial to) was to move back home with enough money for two years' loan, ask for the new bed and nest as presents, and spend the two years indulging in my hobbies and growing my business. If, after two years, I can't earn enough just to pay for my loan every year, then I will go get a job. The main motivator for all this is sadly, not my business or my hobbies, but my loan. I told my dad this and he agreed. I should take advantage of the situation and grow my business and not worry about the menial payment of my loan. He said he'll help me pay for it if it comes down to it, but I adamantly told him I don't want him to pay it for me. This loan is giving me an ego boost.

So in the end I decided to go with the second option. Hopefully by the start of next year I could have all my time to myself. So until then I'm gonna be working hard. My goal after I finish this damn degree is to finally work for myself. It can't get any better than that really.

This goal is different from all my previous goals is because they have all been about preparing and grooming myself to fit someone else or something else's requirements. Eventually they are all about me acquiring the skills I need to build my own business, and my life along with it. But now it all comes down to me. Am I ready to finally take the reign of my own life back? Have I really learned enough to do this by myself, finally? Doubts will always follow the solo flyer. But I can say for sure that right now what I'm ready for is to take that plunge and find out. I must say I'm quite excited.

Wish me luck. Ta'ra!