Nothing Speaks Louder than Insincerity

I heard you the first time. The second time is me being kind. The third time is me being uncaring. The fourth time is me annoyed. The fifth time...let's hope there isn't one.

Do you seriously think coming off as a friendly everyone's friend is going to score you points with everyone? Sure, everyone can be civil enough for you to expect the 'well, she didn't do anything to me so I'm fine with her' attitude, but do you seriously think that nobody would ever notice your real self? I've seen it and as I expected, I didn't like it.

And of course, the people you call your 'bossom buddies' also seemed to think the same way. If not, why do you think you've never been invited to our outings? Cause you're too busy? Are you sure? It's really because we just didn't want you there. You name never even gets mentioned. I'm sorry, no matter how hard you whore yourself out, nothing speaks louder than insincerity. And while we're on the subject. You're too clingy for taste.

That was just me venting out some supressed stress while waiting for the dawn prayer time. And yes, I was talking about EF. You may remember her from the previous post. Yesterday Kino had a massive stock-take, the only day of the year when the shop closes. EF must be shaking with exictement or something, with everyone working at the same time. It didn't matter that MY FRIENDS (who didn't give a damn about you by the way) reserved the tables first. You just came down and labeled the seats with people of your unit! WHAT IS THIS, KINDERGARTEN?! You're lucky I only disliked you and UHAW in that unit and I like everyone else, if not there would have been blood. Yours, of course.

Childish behavior notwithstanding, the tables soon filled up with a lot of unlikeable people so we, the original people moved away to a far away table. It's very ironic, but it was better that way. But seriously...

If I had been in a bitchier mood I would just sit down on any of those seats just to prove a point. What is she going to do? Send me away? Who is she to even talk to me when I don't even acknowledge her? 24 years old yet still acting like she's 4. And no, it's not cute.

Anyway, enough about EF. It's a known fact that I don't get along with friendly people in general. This is because I like exclusive friends. One or two close friends whom I get along with, hang out with and can talk about anything. It's small, it's simple, and easy to handle. And it goes both ways. 'Friendly' people are friends with everyone. They may be 'friendly' but they are friends with everyone but are close to none. They just want to appear friendly and approachable to make themselves popular. Popular for for being an attention whore of the wrong kind (I do admit to being an attention whore myself, but only of the good sort). Insincere people are such a waste of time. I sometimes wonder where they get the energy to put up all that act?

Again, this is just my opinion. If you disagree, you may prove me wrong. But not with more useless words. Word is cheap. Action speaks louder than words, but nothing speaks louder than insincerity. So please be careful with your words and actions. I am sensitive to these things, and can detect even the smallest hint of insincerity. Most of the time I brush it off because they are insignificant and one must not dwell on insignificant things, but if I pay attention to it, it means there are larger things afoot that I will look out for. Of course, my friendship may mean nothing to a 'friendly' person who is friends with everyone, but my actions will speak louder than words, and sooner or later people will notice. In the end, you're the only one who thinks you're friends with everyone while we all secretly look down on you for being such a pitifully lonely and annoying creature.

And yes, I am that mean. See if I care.

Ta'ra.

Little Big Happy Family

I found this little group finally formalizing at work. Well, good for them. I have always noticed them slowly getting closer and it's great that they found their comrades. In a place like that, you need that support group.

While I think it's a good idea, I personally am not comfortable in such a big group. I like my own small pockets of group with just one or two close friends. I had it before. But all these people have left. And even the current people are either leaving or I barely meet due to my short working week. And that group speaks Western Malay and I know what people think when I speak it, which is why I speak English, and I know what they think of that too. So how is it my fault if I'm not comfortable fitting in where I am never going to be comfortable anyway?

I sometimes don't know what is it with me but I can't seem to get along with nice people. The people in that group are all nice people. So nice they wouldn't say a bad word against someone until they are sure that person deserves it. Nice people are nice, and that's...it. I'm sure they bitch about things amongst themselves but at the same time makes excuses for that person's behavior. I suppose that's how we differ. After I decided that a person's core is bad, I don't make excuses for their behaviors. I simply accept it as it is. And I bitch about it openly, so people know where I stand. If people ask my opinion about said person I don't say "maybe...", I say "yes. She is like that. No other reason than that's how she is." I don't make excuses for other people's behaviors. They are adults. They should know how to behave themselves. Unless that person is a nice person whom I like then I will defend them. Within reason. Most of the time I left it to people to judge for themselves. I gave them my honest 2 cents, and let them evaluate themselves. They are freaking adults. They can think for themselves.

After all, as adults we should accept the fact that some personalities just won't match, and that while we can work together well, not everyone can get along all the time. Which is also why I am so loathed by the 'everyone's friend' personality. Here's a recent example:

EF= Everyone's friend, J Girl= a colleague who is also an ex student of my current language school so between me and EF, I am closer to J Girl.

EF: Oh, I'm so blur today.
J Girl: Oh, really?
Me: *passes by to go punch in*
EF: Hey Farah.
Me: Hey
EF: Where are you going? *grabs my hand*
Me: I need to go punch in.
EF: What? Hey didn't you say you wanted to get married?
Me: What!? I never said anything like that. I need to go - *I pulled my hand away so she grabbed my sleeve that bitch!*
EF: Didn't you say you wanted to get married? Come on! *continues pulling my sleeve*
Me: *not looking at her, yanked my hand away and strode away* No! Go away!

I was livid. And she was one year older than me. Not only is she obsessed with the idea of getting married, (I can't blame her since her fiance passed away late last year) but she HAD to say UHAW is not a bad person! Seriously, I can't say enough how obsessed she is with getting married. Each time I bump into her outside during working hours (on the way to the surau, the toilet, lunch, locker room) she would always mention it in one way or another (hey do you wanna get married? I wanna get married! Help me find someone to marry! bla bla bla). But I never held it against her. Because she was a nice person. Annoying, but still a nice person.

Pulling my shirt, seriously? How old are you? Although I was annoyed beyond remorse she acted like nothing wrong, so I played along (and that's what nice people do, right) at lunch while she was flirting with a colleague one year younger (codenamed Black Hole (BH))whom she had expressed no interest in at least TWO times, made me feel like a third wheel. And I hate, hate, HATE being made into a third wheel. I was asked how did I know she was flirting. Well it was obvious. They were both eating. Actually, only he was really eating. SHE kept her eyes on him at all times. Yes, while she was looking at him, I was looking at her. Her eyes were almost unblinking, and she was commenting at every little thing he did and said. EVERY LITTLE THING! If I was him I would have been annoyed already.

I mentioned it later once three had become four. And she went all...

EF: What? Did I look like I was flirting?
Me: Yes. You totally were.
EF to BH: Do you think I was fliritng?
BH: Huh? Flirting? who?
Me: Well, of course, you being a guy wouldn't notice that.
BH: Notice what?
Me: Exactly.

Sighs. She asked me about it later about why I thought she was flirting. I only told her what I saw. Or at least what I thought I saw but to me that was what it looked like: she was flirting with him plain and simple. It may be true, it may not, she may deny it, she may agree to it; it's up to her. To me it was that. And I was just stating my honest observation.

Yes I know, I am not a nice person. Yes I do admit to being mean, but I'll be meaner if I wasn't honest and put up with annoying people. Which is probably why I do not get along with 'nice' people. Or are they? I seriously do not know how other people define niceness. Although I will still label people as nice or not nice or bitch, and my definition may be askewed, but so far it has worked well for me because it has been useful in helping me adjust accordingly to them.

Aloofness is a virtue.

Little Big Happy Family indeed.

Ta'ra!

Too Independent Too Soon?

Going shopping with daddyo is very profitable. I would always start with nothing, and by the end of it I get my stuff plus the change from the purchase of my stuff. Makes good economic sense doesn't it?

But why are people in such a hurry to be independent from their parents?!

I even had a friend who has no background in business, has no experience or any related knowledge, is diving head on into a business! I've told this same friend what she should know about and what she should work on, and she admitted she wa sunprepared so the business idea was tossed aside. But then came the holidays and she considered herself been 'sleeping' too long. So she thought starting a business was the best way to 'wake' her up! She came to me asking for some financial support. I questioned her some basic things not related to the business but on how she was going to be able to pay me by January when she couldn't even find money now? She replied she 'believed there are many ways' so I asked her why not use those 'many ways' to get the money now? Then she concluded I wasn't able to help her so she went away.

I mean, get real. Would you lend your money to someone who's indecisive and unconfident like that? I really hate it when people want to borrow money from me but act as if it's no big deal if I don't give it to them. I would have helped if they really wanted it. Sometimes it can be for something as stupid as wanting to buy clothes urgently so long as they really need it and can assure me payback can be made in reasonable time. I am a yes or no person. If you want it, say yes I want it. Not 'well, if you could lend me it would really be helpful though you don't neccesarily have to'. To me that's a no.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one who's encountered people like this.

Look, it's not that I want to dampen her spirit in doing a business, but doing a business, even if it's just some crappy MLM (maybe especially so), should not be taken lightly. Is it wrong to start small like selling nasi lemak or keropok lekor by the road side? Trust me. If you do it diligently it will pay off nicely. I know this because I have a friend who's actually doing this and she stuck to basic rules of business. Good value, good customer service and plain hardwork will get customers coming back and money rolling in. Is it so hard?

So that's someone who wants to branch off on their own as soon as they can. Another is people who just refuse to accept money from parents. Isn't it weird that people would turn down free money? I asked them why and they said they don't want the strings attached to it. They would rather work for their own things than asking for money from their parents. A nobel thought, of course. But when your parents are giving you free money with no strings attached, why do you still refuse it?!?

Doesn't this remind you of the term 'kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang?' Roughly translated it has about the same meaning as living 'from hand to mouth'. It's like working hard to pay the advance payment for your car. Once you get the car you still have to pay the monthly payments, so doesn't this actually add to your expenses even though you're not making anymore than you did before you got that car?

So doesn't that leave you with less money?

This is a typical middle-class mentality. They believe in working hard, saving money and living off that money their whole life. They are suspicious of investments. They take pride in being able to fend for themselves without any parental intervension.

Like I said, a noble thought, but not very practical. We humans have to accept that we need help from time to time, whether we like it or not. And when you're with parents, they have certain responsibilities over you including giving you your pocket money. To refuse your right is stupid. Sure, go ahead and make yourself independent, but don't stop parents from being parents. We are at an age where we are slowly breaking free from our parents. But we are not quite there yet. So is it so wrong to just stay quietly and take things as they come? I mean, in five years or so nobody would be around to make dinner for you anymore once you're married.

Maybe I'm saying this because I am comfortable living in my parents' house. I know this is not the case for everyone but it apllies to most people. Remember how people kept reminiscing how good life was in high school? and when you enter the working life you reminiscent how much better life was during college?

All I'm trying to say is: forward thinking is good. But never forget to live in the moment. The saddest thing is to let life pass you by without you even realizing it.

There, I gave you my Dua Kupang Worth. Now have a life. Ta'ra!

Defiance

I camped at my living room that night to watch the Laruku concert. Hyde is so hot. I could just marry him on the spot! O_O

Retail therapy is definitely one of my favorite subjects ^_^. Regardless of what they like to buy, all girls enjoy retail therapy. Yesterday I went to an open house of my friend's and when we returned, I finally checked out Pavilion. There's a traffic light coveniently located in front of it. I only did a walk through, just to see what's there and what's coming hehehe.

Then I went to Lot 10 and decided that, I need new socks.

I like Esprit socks XD. They are so soft and colorful. Well okay, most of them probably look about the same. And I might even buy it just because of the brand, but I'm not kidding about the softness. When you wear socks a lot, your feet gets sensitive to what materials are put on. I used to buy socks from Sox World but I didn't like the material. They look pretty, but they are hard and scrappy, of sorts. And I no longer buy toe socks too. Putting the toes in one by one is so mafan when you're in a hurry.

It's study week and exam starts on the 19th, for me at least. And....right now I'm doing revisions, naturally. But that's the boring bit. The fun bit is...let me start with last Monday.

Last Monday was the last class for this subject with our cangkul lecturer Karuna, The One Everyone Despise (TOED). That's probably the best acronym I've had so far XD. Anyway, there was this Vietnamese girl in our class. She went around asking everyone if they want to help her do the notes on every chapter of the subject. I somehow said okay to co-do the last chapter with Khaye. Even though I'm not really fond of her since she rubbed me the wrong way for suporting TOED when I was rallying signatures to have him replaced.

Yesterday Khaye asked me if I had done my part and I said no. Partly because I'm too lazy to break momentum on Marketing, which I'm currently studying. I was tempted to tell the Viet girl "Is it okay if I don't want to do it because I don't like you?" It sounds bad, but at least it's honest :P.

And besides, sure, she said everyone's gonna do a piece and we'd be helping each other out. But honestly, I don't like other people doing my notes for me. And most of those notes except for two people I'm confident with, will be in broken English! WTF am I supposed to do with them anyway? I especially hate to be told what to do by someone I don't respect, let alone someone I don't like. I have my pride you know.

And yeah, that's the current drama going on in my mundane life. Apart from revisions, I still have two One Piece movie DVDs to watch. So procrastination XD.

Ta'ra!