Ponderings

I get to get together with Totchi and diss Gary the Sponge with Glass tonight and we had an interesting conversation. Don't we always? XD

Anyway. I thought I should further explore it, since it was interesting and all. After a while, the abuse and dissing of Gary got cold and he went away for cheese. During his absence we started to talk about politics. I started by asking if Totchi would mind Anwar Ibrahim as Prime Minister. She said she doesn't care because she doesn't quite line the next two in line either because they bring keris to parliament and swore to drench it in Chinese blood.

Of course, I laugh at this. But then I noticed it was quite an issue for them, although most of us Malays would just laught at it. Still, put yourself in their shoes. Would you have wanted someone like that to be leader of your country? I certainly wouldn't.

Honestly speaking, I didn't have a rat's tail of a clue how it is supposed to be in a multi-racial country and how a 'harmonious' inter-racial relation is supposed to be. From kindergarten to high school, I went to an all-Muslim school, so all my friends are 99% Malays with the occasional other races, which is rare. But I bought all the pitches on TV how we are a multi-racial country and we respect other races and bla bla bla. I didn't know it was all just political propaganda since my real situation is far from it: my two best friends are not a Chinese and an Indian, I do not go to mamak stalls and have teh tarik with them or go ride bicycles around the village with my Chinese and Indian friends and we end up falling into the river and have a hearty laugh.

But I sincerely believed that was probably how some people live. At least in kampongs where all three races were around. I mean, how many Indians can you see in Sarawak anyway?

So I was optimistic. During high school I joined a lot of activities outside school and sometimes I have to hold out on my own as the sole representative of my school like one PBSM camp. There was only ONE Indian in the lot, despite it being an all-Sarawak gathering. The rest are Chinese and Bumiputras. On that note, I really hate the word bumiputera. A lot of people just shorten it to 'bumi' and pluralize it to become 'bumis'. It sounds degrading. As if we are a bunch of people who are incapable of helping ourselves, always looking up to the government for help. Unfortunately, some people wear the label proudly while I openly shrink away from it. I do not want my race to be the definition of me.

Anyway, my first true race interaction was a success. I was clueless on how to mingle with people of other races at first, so I took the neutral approach: we are all students who are new to this place and to each other, so treat everyone like you want to be treated. I have to be honest. Chinese intimidate me XD. They all have this reputation that all Chinese are intelligent and hard working. Boy was I unprepared for the Ah Lian lot!

But after a while you realize that behind the race labels we are all humans. We make mistakes. I was thinking that since I am Malay I was carrying the big bad Malay label that says 'lazyness'. I didn't want to be known as that. I had to show that I earned my place here. I worked hard the first day, and fell sick.

How very typical of me isn't it? Work hard and fall sick. But my fear of that label was even bigger, so I took advantage of my exclusion from the morning marching exercise and study instead. At the same time I was keeper of everyone's stuff who went for the march. I looked after handphones and books and whatnot. We were given study times at night because we are to sit for a first-aid exam at the end of camp and gain our certificate. When I saw all those people studying I became even more engrossed in studying. Funny enough, many of the Malay girls seem to gravitate towards me...

Maybe I'm just charismatic XD.

I have to be honest again. When I saw all the Chinese, hunched back over their books, studying (I should guess) I became even more nervous and decided that I should hold out in the study session at least as long as those people. The Chinese are hardworking and intelligent remember? I should emulate them.

I can just imagine Totchi's face when she reads this XD. But I was young and innocent and came from an all-Muslim school. From my observation of the Malays, they are...not that great and I've only heard things about Chinese but never seen one in action before. So I was eager to see the real deal.

When the results were announced, I was shocked out of my wits to know I was in the top 5! I mean, how could it be, right? I was sick and all that. But then again, because of that I had extra study times. Just didn't realize that that was actually to my advantage. I was pleased, and so did my team members.

However, the pen that I got for my achievement was nothing compared to the experience. I learned that yes, we can get along with each other. Yes, we carry too much label and we don't have to carry them and don't have to think that others see it in you. Those labels are just for the prejudice and nobody really cared for it unless you make them a reality. Make your own labels, and own up to it.

After that I was quite happy to report that I had had some quality mingling time with fellow Sarawakians and Malaysians, and was quite pleased to find that I got along with some of them even better than friends my own race. If you treat people nicely, they will treat you kindly back. There was a girl. She was big and had a really tough looking face. I nervously approached her because I was bored, she was alone and all of us were currently locked out of our rooms (mind you, I spoke real English and these people spoke Manglish, so I was off to shaky start since I didnt know how to speak Manglish convincingly). The first thing she mentioned was how she missed her father.

That really threw me off guard.

All this interaction taught me more of other races, but most importantly, it taught me one very crucial thing: what's in a race?

A race is just another label. People should be proud of their race, but nobody wants to be judged based on race. People want to be judged as individuals.

So, after such a rich experience, the following year I was sent to another camp, a Bina Negara Camp, organized by the Jabatan Ketua Menteri itself - people from Mr. White Hair's office! Four schools participated in this camp. I was quite surprised to find that all of the participants were Malays. Even at the outset, I was already prepared for some sort of racist sentiments and I was right.

Everything smelled of racial politics. They showed charts after charts at how the Malays and Bumiputeras were left behind in science, technology and engineering and how more of us going to jail instead of contributing to society. They even went as far as saying we are letting the other races grab our opportunity from us. How soon they will take over the country and leave us desolate in our own motherland.

Other, small minded people soaked up on their presentation. I, fuming with fury, promptly fall asleep. Malaysia is not a country for Malays only, I thought. The other races need opportunities as well. It is their country too. We all have the same I.C. so fuck off, I'm going to sleep.

As I pulled down my cap and went to slumber in my seat, I imagine how betrayed their Chinese colleagues way in the back must felt during such a speech. I hope they seeth in anger enough to stab these guys to death. God knows they deserve it. One for betraying the country and two for insulting their own race.

From then on I decided that I will not succumb to their reality, and realized that these speeches must be common in rural places like this. I wasn't sure how life would be without the Malay rights and privileges, but then again I wasn't exactly enjoying those privileges as I am. The PM was preaching about racial-harmony while these lackeys are preaching about Malay/Bumiputera supremacy. It's like the head is saying one thing but the hand is doing other things.

I was asked today if I am for the cancelling of the NEP.

Would you be offended if I were to say yes? I say this because I am confident of my own abilities to excel in business without government help. Because we all know those things don't last. After all, government contracts are all monopolized by cronies anyway, so that's your wealth distribution right there. People defend the NEP under the illusion that the Malays are poor and marginalised. Now this is what makes me want to cry for blood. We are not marginalized!!! That kind of thinking should have gone the way of the dodos a long time ago.

And as for poor, poverty is the fairest thing in the world. It doesn't descriminate. It visits people regardless of race. Sure, there are poor Malays but there are poverty in the other races as well. Who ever thinks about them? Are they not Malaysians? Do we have to be race specific when distributing wealth? What happens to justice and equality?

And I was also asked if I am fine without the special rights and privileges.

Except for the fast processing of my PTPTN loan, I see no other privileges that's been useful for me. Even so, my loan was mass-processed along with others and this happened because we have a coordinator overseeing all this process with the Ministry of Education, so everyone got equal rights, Malay or not.

Besides, going to a private institution instead of the government-owned one is already a show of defiance on my 'right and privilege' as a Malay I supposed. Yes, it is because I can afford it. Not everyone can, but I have no intention of going to any government unis just because I can because I never want to go there in the first place. There are more deserving people. This quota system and 'rights and privileges' is one of the reasons why our local universities are clogged with so many people who don't deserve to be there.

Then again, I am lucky to be in Sarawak. In Sarawak we no longer refer to our friends according to race. And we no longer need to impress people of other races at how multi-racial our group of friends are. But here they make a point of it. One guy, he is a mixed Indian-Chinese but looked like a Malay. Weird. He is a typical West. He said people always assumed he was Malay and sometimes he just lets them because he said people respect him more that way.

I wasn't sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult. Still, I bypassed his race and still find that I don't like him anyway, so this issue is not a race thing at all. After all, what's in a race?

A bastard is a bastard.

I have been in an all-Malay environment and then put into an environment where I was a minority and still survived. But it was only when I was put in the same minority situation but outside of Sarawak that I truly felt what it meant to be descriminated against.

This should reinforce my stand that I truly believe that all Malays are capable to stand on their own without aid (mostly). Malays are not marginalized. Those who dare claim we are shall have their blood drenched with my katana. Because in Sarawak we do not use kerises. That's for the West. Keris is too short and awkward anyway. Katana is longer and deadlier and it can kick a keris' ass anytime. I for one, do not need the NEP or the Malays 'special rights and privileges'. I do not claim to speak for everyone. Just speaking on behalf of myself, who cringe everytime one of those 'Malay evangelists' open their mouths and claim they speak for the Malays.

These people should have their tongues cut out and their fingers maimed so they can't speak and write.

Stupid West.

Ta'ra.